Rescue Me
Standing next to the fire, she hoped ...
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Rescue Me
Standing next to the fire, she hoped a small plan would sputter by and a dashing pilot with ruddy complexion and a youthful glow would land and save her from the wasteland.
But according to numerous witness and other bystanders in the immediate area, Missy Misanthrope's entire strategy for attracting hot fly boys was a train wreck from the beginning.
"I've built a few dozen fires in my life," said Robbie Bobbie, "and honestly her fire was way to small to be seen by passing aircraft. In fact, I was on the adjacent hill and could barely see it. My guess is she needed more wood and was too lazy to walk over to where the trees grow and pick some more up."
Elaine Gegain, a certified meteorologist from Tucson, was another witness to Missy's efforts. "I'm critical of Missy's selection of time of day," Gegain said. "With the sun on the horizon the light would be playing tricks on any pilot's vision. I would have recommended waiting until after dark to get the most bang for her buck."
The most critical of those who commented on Missy's attempt to meet a nice man with an airplane didn't even see her in the process.
"I didn't see anything," Gilroy McCoy said, "but I've lived in these parts for better half of a century and I ain't never seen a plane land around here. Fact is, with this amount of sand and the bumpy hills everywhere, I doubt any pilot worth marrying would even dare land a helicopter, let alone an airplane."
Our research indicates the only record of a successful landing in the immediate area came when aliens from Ursae Majoris left the stone columns with the instructions to take good care of them as they'd be back in a few millennia to pick them up. Something about not wanting their parents to see Greek columns in their spaceship.
With so much confusion between her hopes and her strategies, we decided to clarify with Missy.
"So Missy, your fire is too small, the time of day is all wrong, and pilots have never landed here, how can you expect to have your wildest dreams come true?"
"I'm just playing the odds," Missy said. "Since there's never been a time in the history of this rock when a dashing pilot with ruddy complexion and a youthful glow noticed a small fire and landed his aircraft as the sun lingered on the horizon, then I'm hoping the time has finally arrived for such an event to occur and I'm going to be ready." She added with a hint of pride in her voice, "Besides, this sweater is angora and you can't begin to believe the number of guys I've landed with this thing. They just love it."
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