Monday, August 17, 2009

August 17th Topics


Creature
I didn't think she would fit in around here and ...

OR
Who is the weirdest person in your sphere?

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1 comment:

ItsNaughtKnotty Cannned said...

Creature
"I didn't think she would fit in around here and boy was I right," Milford Macilroy said when asked about the scantily clad, white eyed, brunette he found crawling out of a pond just off the main highway outside Lancaster. "She seemed a bit too noticeable for a town of folks who appreciate humility."

"The Creature," as many local townsmen called her, was actually Merisol McGuillocutty Dagger, former wife of Max Dagger the legendary high finance swindler serving a life sentence after bilking thousands of athletes out of their mojos. Merisol earned a reputation for herself as the Marquise de Mojo and many suspected her involvement in the mojo mahem. After her acquittal, she vanished from her social circles in high society and landed here locally.

"I didn't think her kind of woman should be welcomed here," said a neighbor, "but it turns out people of any ilk can just come and go as they please."

Mayor Hinky Dinky said he's been advised the local law enforcement agencies intend to keep tabs on "The Creature" and monitor her activities.

"We assume," Dinky said, "she's just another tourist passing through, but if it turns out she's here to ply her trade or abscond with ill-gotten gains, I can assure you we'll be the first to know and take action."

Francine Philhurst, the wife of the mayor, added, "The ladies of the Garrish Gossip Gaggle have met regarding The Creature and we've concluded her scandalous way of dressing might not be entirely illegal, but we are certain beyond all reasonable doubt that it is in fact tacky."

Edward Minglehoff, head of the fashion design department of the local art school, could not be reached for comment on The Creature's attire, since Minglehoff is vacationing in France. Minglehoff’s secretary of eight years however assured us she was positive Mr. Minglehoff would disapprove of the gold feathers, the arm bands, the tattoo on the forehead, and the shiny plastic-like skin.

"I've seen a lot of scary creatures in my day and many of them have been dressed up in ways you'd never expect," Horace Mworton said. Mworton leads the civic art council. He is uniquely qualified to speak on matters of public appearance since he is the only man in town to be employed by the government, tasked with the project of bringing art to the community, and being the final rubber stamp before approving the recently erected twelve-foot tall statue of a simulated penis. "I think The Creature is trying to create the impression she is exotic, dangerous, and sophisticated all at the same time. In this case, I believe the outward expression is well executed, but it leaves me to wonder what she's like on the inside."

When contacted, The Creature declined to comment on her sudden appearance, her surprising appearance, or her plans for the future.

“Moving to a new town is always a little lonely,” the brunette said, “but I hope to find a group of like-minded individuals to pass the days.”

Upon hearing Dagger’s comments, mayor Philhurst encouraged people to “be mindless and maybe the creature will just crawl back into the swamp.”